Ever since I went to Denver two weeks ago, life has been on fast forward. When you leave the office (even for business) getting back on top is pure hell. While I was gone, time moved on, deadlines got closer, and work did not get done. Looking at my calendar when I returned to the office I had that “deer in the headlights” look. Schedules were converging and I was completely overwhelmed. How can you prioritize tasks that by themselves would each be considered urgent? The noise in my head was almost unbearable.

Quiet the Noise

The noise in our heads, the constant chatter of self talk, is created when the logical, rational side of our brain switches into overdrive. The brain, based on past experience, begins to project all of the possible negative outcomes from the choices we are faced. The panic I felt when I looked at my schedule was based in the fear that I was going to fail some of my clients, because there was not enough time to get all the work done. The key is the brain will generally always bring up the negative side of things, and not the positive, unless it is trained to do otherwise. Never once did I think about the clients I would please by getting their project done on time.

About this time I was book shopping in Barnes and Noble and I found this book (out of place) on a shelf facing me. It was called Quiet Your Mind by John Selby. I leafed through the table of contents, bought a cup of coffee and read the introduction. The book teaches you to quiet the constant chatter through focused meditation and be fully present in the moment.

Generally, my past view of meditation was it was a great way to fall asleep, and I never understood what it meant to live in the moment. What I have learned from this book is the mind effectively shuts down the logical side of the brain when it focuses on two or more sensory inputs. The concept is to begin by focusing on your breathing, noticing how the air feels as it enter and leaves the body, and then add an awareness of your heart beat or the rise and fall of your chest and belly as you breathe.

Letting Your True Thoughts Through

Selby contends (with research backing him up) that when you are able to focus on more than one sensory input it allows your true thoughts to flow from your heart and spiritual core. It allows both sides of the brain to work together and heightens your awareness of all that is happening in the moment. The result is a sense of peace and emotional, positive thoughts are allowed to rise to the surface.

With some skepticism I began practicing the breathing meditation. I discovered when I only focused on my breathing thoughts were still racing through my mind, competing with my attempts to calm my brain. After I began focusing on the movement of my stomach and chest in response to my breathing, I noticed that the racing thoughts disappeared. I entered a state of mind where time seemed to slow and I felt very rested and at peace. It was like my mind was in neutral and I began to become very aware of my heartbeat. My other senses began to heighten and I was aware of sounds and smells that I had not noticed before. As I allowed myself to come back to the present, I found I was much calmer and able to make decisions and prioritize my project list in a way that actually made sense.

Selby contends that once his techniques are practiced and mastered, a person can momentarily move into a meditative state, calm his mind and ultimately make better decisions, based on the information at hand and not be influenced by negative prior experiences.

What I have noticed is I will now drive around town without the radio on and just concentrate on being in the moment. By not surrounding myself with constant noise, I find that the thoughts that come to the surface are less negative and are usually solution oriented.

Quiet Your Mind is an interesting read and if you actually practice the exercises Selby suggests the results will be surprising.

“Prior Actions Determines Future Options”. I first heard these words at a Public Works conference in Monterey, California in March 1987. Motivational speaker Steven T. McGee of Unify International spoke the phrase as part of his keynote address. They were the most profound words that I had heard then and now. That phrase has gotten me through more down times than any other I know.

What makes that phrase so special?

The example that McGee used was of Peter Uberroth and the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games. Uberroth accomplished what no one else had ever done…he made a several million dollar profit with the Olympics. The money was ultimately distributed to local charities. Afterward he was mentioned as a potential presidential candidate, but instead he became commissioner of the American Pastime. The point is, as a result of his prior actions (successfully managing the Olympics) he had his pick of the best opportunities our country had to offer.

How did these simple words get me through tough times?

At the time I attended the conference, I had just taken a job that was a huge increase in responsibility, was a huge boost to my career, was the fulfillment of a dream, and was a huge decrease in pay. Couple that with inheriting a dysfunctional organization (that I was supposed to fix) and it is safe to say there were some really bad days.

I shared with my wife the words of Steve McGee and described the impact they had on me. She calligraphied the words onto a piece of tag board and mounted it onto black matte board. I hung the plaque on the wall above my phone, and whenever I looked at the words I was reminded that my future depended on how I handled that day.

Those words have stayed with me over the past 20 years …moving me forward and keeping alive the promise that life is a series of ordered building blocks and not a series of random actions. If a person engages in serious reflection and rids their mind of all preconceived notions, you will see, as I have, that prior actions do indeed determine future options.

The past 10 days have been very hectic. I took both Gregg and Glenn back to school (a week apart) and sandwiched in between was a business trip to Denver. In fact my last post was written on the plane on the 11th, but posted about 2 am on the 12th when I finally got to my hotel room. Needless to say, with getting the kids ready to move, trying to tie up loose ends and then busy days in meetings, the “Perfect Day Schedule” went right out the window. Along with it was the time to keep up with the blog.

What has been on my mind the past 10 days is what a huge role our environment plays in a person’s ability to navigate life and possess positive self-esteem.

My sons were raised in an upper middle class family with college-educated parents. They were taught the value of a dollar and that dreams are achievable if you believe and act on them. My travel partner to Denver, on the other hand, was born into a disadvantaged family with poor adult role models. My companion was gangbanging at a young age and spent most of his teen and early adult years in youth camps and jail. When his daughter was born he resolved to change his life, and for the most part he has. He learned a trade and is quite skilled at what he does. He is the foreman of our best joint caulking and concrete polishing crew (I am part owner of a construction company that stains and polishes concrete floors).

This Isn’t Denny’s
While he has learned a skill (he is gifted with a keen eye), traveling with the poor guy is like traveling with a 10-year old. First he shows up at the airport with no cash…. at all. Then it’s “Can I have $1.25 for a coke?”, “Will you buy me a beer?”. I kept waiting for him to ask if I would buy him a souvenir shirt at the airport! Initially I was quite short with him. I even remember asking him if he thought I was his father. But it all kind of clicked with me when we went to a fairly nice dinner restaurant with a brewery (every restaurant in downtown Denver is attached to a brewery) and he tried to order a Bud Light (isn’t Coors the local commercial brew?) that the guy just did not know any better. Then when the bill came, before I could tuck my credit card into the folio with the bill, he asked (sincerely) if we weren’t supposed to take it up front to pay. My first thought was “This isn’t a Denny’s!”.

You Have to Change What You Do to Get Something New

What a contrast to traveling with my kids…even my 16 year old daughter knows how to pay the bill in a nice restaurant. I discovered I was living in a sociology experiment. In my friend’s life money was meant to be spent on things (trucks, bling, etc) that makes a person look outwardly successful, while they do not have two nickels to rub together. He showed up without any money, because his ex-wife (yet he hasn’t filed papers and he keeps drifting back to her) had cleaned him out.

His life revolves around a lack of abundance and he is completely incapable of figuring out how to break the cycle of poverty he was born into. While he intellectually knows things have to change, he still runs around with his hat on backwards (he really got pissed when I told him it looked ghetto), the long (below the knee long) shorts and all the trappings of a gangster. If I met him on the street at night, I would move to the other side. I told him that if he was serious about changing his circumstances he needed to make a clean break. That means quit hanging around with his “friends” (the same ones that couldn’t find the airport), completely cut ties with his ex-wife (she will continue to drag him back into the life), minimizing contact with his family and quit calling everyone “Bro”. He needed to quit hanging out with the element he was trying move away from and concentrate on educating himself on how to save money, pay down debts and learn that “things” do not define the person.

Surroundings Do Influence Behavior

Time will tell if my friend will in fact begin to make the changes we discussed. But one thing is abundantly clear…your background and living environment do in fact frame a person’s personality and behavior. The last 10 days really brought this into focus for me and has caused me to be a little more understanding when I encounter those who do not seem to have a clue.

At some point in life you look in the mirror and exclaim, “That’s it I’m going to change”!  You may want to change the way you look, or change what you weigh, or maybe make a fundamental change in the way you live your life.  But it is always a dramatic and somewhat desperate vow to change. 

 After making the pledge that things will be different from now on, a list is made and promises are written down (because everyone is told, if it isn’t written down then it won’t happen), and you grit your teeth with a steely resolve that this time will be different.  And it is for a week or maybe longer; however, then life gets in the way and you find yourself falling back into old habits and patterns.  Before long, any change that was begun is long gone. I know this pattern all too well.  I performed it several times a year for about 15 years in an effort to lose weight and live a healthier life.  Until 1991, I never weighed more than 240 lbs.   While I was somewhat flabby at 240, I could still wear a size 46 regular suit and size 42 slacks.  Big but not huge, so at 6 feet tall I still looked athletic…like a football lineman, but not the Fridge. 

This was when the kids were small and I could still set my own schedule. As the kids got older and into activities like martial arts, baseball and golf, my time became focused on work and family activities.  Exercising then became a secondary activity.  If I ran out of time in the day for running or working out, oh well, there was always tomorrow.  After a while I quit trying to find the time to fit it in, and the pounds slowly began to creep on.  Soon 240 turned into 280 plus, my blood pressure began to increase and bimonthly visits to the cardiologist became routine. 

And You Thought Working Out Was Time Consuming

 

 What I found was being fat and unhealthy actually takes a bigger time commitment than being fit.  However, the time commitment is less rewarding, unless you like killing hours on end in doctors offices or waiting for tests to be run.  Often times at the end I found my trips to the doctor were unplanned.  I was having some wild swings with my blood pressure that my meds couldn’t control, so it off to the cardiologist when I could least afford the time. I finally realized last April, that when it came to my weight, I was living the old adage, “If you continue to do the same things over and over and expect a different result, you must be insane”.  I had done different permutations on the same old approach to weight loss and yielded the same result, temporary loss of 10 pounds and then 15 back on. 

What I finally decided to do was seek professional help in the form of a science based weight loss and fitness program.  While the science part of the program produced the weight loss results, it was the lifestyle counseling that was the missing ingredient in all of my past attempts to lose the weight.  My lifestyle coach was relentless when it came to really coming to terms with the reasons why I made the food and alcohol choices I did.  I was pretty much on a self-destruction campaign with “mass quantities of beer and pizza” (you 70’s SNL fans will get the Coneheads reference), instead of dealing with the emotional and self esteem issues that were bothering me. 

Habits are Physiological

 

 Ever heard the statement that it takes 21 days to change a habit?  The reason is your body needs to perform a physiological change to make the habit take effect.  Scientists, such as Shad Helmstetter (author of one of my favorite books on self talk What Do You Say When You Talk To Yourself) have found that habits form a chemical pathway in your brain.  When a habit is broken, the old chemical path actually disintegrates and disappears.  Similarly, when a habit is changed, the old pathway disappears and a new path, corresponding to the new habit, appears.  The time it takes for this change to occur is about three weeks or 21 days. Most people; however, run out of resolve or lose enthusiasm before the 21-day period passes.  That is why it is so easy to slip into the old habits.  Not enough time elapsed for the new pathway in the brain to be created. 

Weight Loss Double Whammy

 When it comes to weight loss and body composition changes, there really is a double whammy that happens.  First, there is the whole chemical pathway changed just discussed.  Second there are physiological changes the body goes through during the first three weeks of any program.  What I learned in the Lifestyle 180 Program is the normal “plateau” that occurs after about 2 weeks is due to the body making adjustments to the new food and exercise regimen.  To a person using an average scale it seems like you are killing yourself at the gym and depriving yourself at meals for nothing.  The needle on the scale isn’t moving; therefore, you get discouraged and either quit or make compromises, using the reasoning that it isn’t work killing yourself for nothing. 

However, if a person is weighing themselves on a scale that measures body fat, % water weight, visceral fat, lean muscle mass, and bone mass what you will observe is the body is undergoing constant change.  Body fat is giving way to lean muscle mass (which weighs more than fat) and most importantly for heart health; the amount of visceral fat has decreased. 

This is why diets do not work…it does not provide the proper feedback and information necessary for a person to hang in until the habit paths change and the weight begins to come off again.  Over the past 4 months I have lost 50 pounds, and I have endured two or three of these plateaus.  Each time I consulted the special scale at the facility and have been reassured that it is still working. 

 THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IS TO REALLY COMMIT YOURSELF TO THE PROGRAM AND STAY WITH IT.  IF YOU ARE MIXING THE PROPER AMOUNT OF CALORIES AND EXERCISE THE RESULTS WILL BE ASSURED.

I usually start my day watching Good Morning America, because I find it is the most concise way to stay up with current events.  This morning they interviewed Oprah Winfrey, as her 1^st show of her 22^nd season is being aired live from New York’s Madison Square Garden.  During the interview she talked about the school she started in South Africa for black underprivileged children.  She said she taught a leadership class using the Wizard of Oz as the teaching metaphor.  She quoted Glenda the Good Witch when she told Dorothy that her ability to get home was always within her. This struck a chord with me, because we have all been granted the ability to achieve our dreams and goals.  The trick is believing that it is truly possible. 

Society does a pretty good job of keeping us ensconced in the “employee mentality” that dreaming is for kids and reality is working a nine to five job because we have responsibilities.  The message is responsible people do not chase things that are risky, like dreams.  We have this message beat into us by the media, television shows, and those folks that want an orderly, obedient society (i.e. advertisers that hawk their products on television). 

The Secret

 Just look at all the fuss created by Rhonda Byrnes’ book The Secret.  Oprah had Byrnes and several key people on the book on her show last season, and the episode was lambasted as pop psychology and pie in the sky trickery.  The most common complaint I read is that the book does not take into account plain luck.   

Luck is not an Accident

 What these morons do not understand is that luck is made!  My favorite definition of luck is:  “Luck is when opportunity meets preparedness”.  I not sure who coined the phrase, but it is exactly right.  Edison was not lucky when he created the light bulb.  It was years of persistent effort, laboring in obscurity.  The same goes for Bill Gates at Microsoft or Steven Jobs with Apple.  They took their fanatical belief in an emerging technology and transformed hard work and belief into huge empires.  I had a friend in college who was friends with the founders of Apple.  He had the chance to become their fourth employee, but instead he followed his parent’s advice and got a safe college education.  That probably cost him millions of dollars.  What he could have done was gone to work for Apple and still pursued his education at a local college instead of going away to school. 

Always Look to your Dreams

 The message I want to leave today is to always believe in your dreams and set yourself up to be in a position to take advantage of opportunities that arise and align with your dream purpose.  Remember, our maker is not cruel…he would not allow us to have these dreams and goals without the innate tools to make them happen. 

The gifts are already in each of us…just believe, act and receive.

Just rolled in from taking my son Gregg back to school at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo. These trips always make me a little nostalgic, partly because I went to Cal Poly, but mostly because I realize how much I miss the carefree life of a college student. Now, most college students will argue with me about the carefree part, but compared to the grind of work and the constant pressure of unrealistic deadlines from clients, college life is pure and carefree.

What these trips also bring back are all of the idealistic plans I had about my life and what it would look like after nearly 30 years of work. While I am not particularly unhappy about how my life has worked out (nice house, great marriage, terrific kids), I was hoping to be 4 years from retirement by now (I am 51 years old).

After soaking up the ambiance of San Luis Obispo for the day, the ride home is a time of reflection and rededication to some of the old goals and dreamsI think it is important to periodically travel back to the site of our most formative years to remember … remember what it was like to be full of hope and dreams, remember why we chose the path we did and most importantly, remember what it is like to be young at heart.

Going back to my old college (or any college town for that matter) always reminds me that we do not have to grow old in our hearts and minds, and that we are never to old to risk being what our hearts desire. It may be outside our comfort zone, but then nothing fun ever happens when we get too comfortable.

Have you ever noticed how one bad day has a way of spreading to adjacent days?  On September 4th I wrote about a bad day that I had had and spun it around to talk about how finding your center could help keep you from making an otherwise poor coping decision.  It was the old “if given lemons, then make lemonade” attitude…trying to find the positive in something bad. 

However, all that post did was to lift my spirits, but I did not address the real issue…which was I had allowed myself to become sidetracked from my main mission, which is working on consulting projects and making money.  The result was two days of wheel spinning and allowing others to dictate my path instead of the reverse.

Lost Time is Unrecoverable

Our time is the one asset that cannot be remade or recovered.  Once a moment passes it is gone forever!  However, many of us trudge through life thinking there is an unlimited number of tomorrows.  Unfortunately, we have a precise amount of time allotted to us in our lives, but only God knows what that is.  It is therefore imperative that we make the best use of the time allotted to us.  While we must live intentional lives, it is even more important to be a good steward of our time and talents.  The best way to do that is to plan.

A Failure to Plan is a Plan for Failure

It is a fact that the average person spends more time planning a vacation than planning for their successful future.  What cannot be allowed to happen is for one bad day, and we all have them, to spread (as it did for me) into multiple useless days.

One of the best tools I have found for preventing the spread of time destruction is to create a “Perfect Day Schedule”.  To do this print out a blank sheet from the Outlook Calendar in table form and create a time schedule for your perfect day.  The attitude is “What if I had perfect control of my time…what would my most productive day look like”.  Then plan your day making sure to leave room for lunch, working out, time with your kids and family, etc.  The key is to be not only efficient, but realistic.  If your Perfect Day Schedule has you running non-stop and does not leave time for the important things in your life, then it will be out of balance and non-sustainable.

Whenever I have operated my day within the parameters of my Perfect Day Schedule, I have been happier, more productive, more creative and felt more  in balance, because I knew how my day would unfold.  It is important to strictly adhere to the schedule for it to work.  You have to strongly protect any extraneous stuff from infringing on the time blocks you have set up.  For instance, if you have the hour of 10 am to 11 am set up to return phone calls, then do not make any calls outside of the hour, no matter how important you think it might be (family emergencies or life and death matters are obviously exceptions). 

It is important that you know when you are the most focused and productive, so you can block out that time as a quiet time for uninterrupted work.  For me it is in the morning between 8:30 am and 11 am.  I make sure that I do not schedule Dr. appointments, meetings or make phone calls during this time.  It is my time to really make hay and get a massive amount of billable work done.  Then between 11 am and noon I return calls.  I find that I tend to get fidgety and unfocused in the afternoon; therefore, that is when I schedule meetings (if any), run to the bank, etc.  I always put Dr. appointments at the end of the day.  Always ask for the last available appointment and if it cannot be after 4 pm, then  opt for a different day. 

This avoids the tendency to be busy, but unproductive.  Remember in a fee for work situation, if you can’t bill it, you can’t earn it and you eventually can’t eat it.  If you are salaried employee, this will still work, because as a more productive employee you will stand out.  Most people try to find was to dork off on the job, instead of working at their peak.  If you continually follow your Perfect Day Plan, your work will improve (both quality and quantity, because it will be well planned and not rushed), you will go home with satisfaction having gotten your goals for the day accomplished, and will get more raises and promotions than the others because bosses reward success.

Along with this I have become a great list maker.  I make a list of the things I need to get accomplished in that day.  I first focus on the quick hits that make the most impact.  It is amazing how crossing things off a list can create confidence and positive momentum.  It also improves performance, because it eliminates the “what do I do now” question.  Whenever, I do not have my day listed out, that is when I get off track and off task.

So….how did I totally lose it this week and essentially waste an entire week?  I did not follow my schedule and I did not make a list of tasks to accomplish each day.  I also allowed appointments to creep into my productive time.  I was generally human and I let it get to me.  Deep down I knew better and I was beating myself up over it.  What should I have done?  Started the 5th with a focused list of things I had to get done and a new attitude.  I also should have posted the last two days, because there is no excuse for not doing the things that give you joy.

It’s days like today that make it really hard to stay positive about anything.  You work like hell and get nothing accomplished, you find out a client that owes you approximately $10 G hasn’t billed it yet to his client, and for some inexplicable reason about dinner time you become sullen and depressed.

Five months ago, my answer to a day like today would have been to medicate myself with a pizza and a bunch of alcohol.  Today I poured a diet ice tea and cooked a healthy, home cooked meal for my family.  Neither solution really fixed anything; however, tomorrow I will know that I finally made a correct choice.

I’m not writing this to say “Yeah Me!”, I’m writing this to say it could be you.  Too many people in our society feel hollow inside and try to fill the void with food, alcohol, porn or some other potentially destructive behavior.  What causes the void, I believe, is the realization that the person looking into mirror is not living the life that they thought they would.

Masks

When we are young, maybe high school or college, we craft this image of what our adult lives are going to be like.  The type of person we will marry, the kind of cars we will own, and home we will live in.  The people that take ownership of these dreams and pursue them relentlessly will realize their dreams.  Approximately 98% of the population buy into the lie promulgated by well meaning people of influence (friends, parents, mentors) that dreaming is for children and does not represent life and reality.  In an attempt to move on with our supposed path in life, we begin wearing “masks” that hide our true selves.

Mid Life Crisis

Some time around a milestone birthday, you know, turning 40 or 50 we wind up looking in the mirror and realize we are living a life we never intended to live.  I know when I turned 50 I looked in the mirror and saw a morbidly obese person, stuck in a profession I am bored with, and realized I wasn’t following my passion.  The funny thing was I could not for the life of me think of what I could be passionate about. The only thing I knew was I had to lose weight.  So four months ago I joined a program through a local physical therapy practice to turn the parts of my life around that I could control.  This was my form of a mid life crisis.

A funny thing happened along the way…I thought all I would accomplish would be losing weight, getting healthier, and feeling better.  But what happened is I am beginning to get to know me.  A by-product of the weight loss and exercise program was coming to terms with why I allowed myself to go from an athletic 200 pound man to a 310 pound guy with high blood pressure, frequent appointments with the cardiologist and more meds than a septagenarian. 

I found out what I really like to do is help people.  It is a driving force behind why I allowed my sons (Gregg and Glenn Hawkins), already successful bloggers, to talk me into writing this blog.  You see over the past 15 years, in an effort to understand why I have been conflicted with my path in life, I have read and studied a lot of self help books.  Everything from Og Mandino to Dale Carnegie.  But what I struggled with was defining my dreams and goals for my life.  I tried every exercise imaginable, like “What if time and money were no object” or ” Write a list of 10 Things to Have and 10 Things to Do”, but nothing really excited me.  It was as if I was putting down answers I thought I wanted to hear instead of getting real about what I want.  Sometimes the toughest thing is to admit you have been doing it wrong for too long.

Getting Centered and Staying There

I titled this post Staying Centered, because I have found it to be the most important thing I can do right now to change the course of my life. What do I mean by staying centered?  Psychiatrists talk a lot about “finding your center”, which to me always sounded like a bunch of bullshit.  I thought it was a clever sounding cliche that meant nothing.  What finding your center is is finding the one thing that you are passionate enough about that it becomes the thing your life revolves around. The interesting thing is it won’t be a car or a house at the beach, it will be something much deeper, more meaningful and quite surprising.  It will create that “light bulb” moment when suddenly things seem to make sense.

I started to identify my “one thing” by writing in a journal.  It started out rather disorganized…I was somewhat self conscious about writing in a journal (although I kept it private and away from my family and friends), but as time went on it began to take shape and my entries were almost like a free association with myself.  Periodically, I would re-read my prior entries and a pattern began to develop.

What Does This Have To Do With Weight Loss?

Once I began to understand what was lacking in my life, I lost the need to fill the void with food, because the feeling of emptiness was going away.  Now when I feel lost or empty, I fill the void by writing in my journal or making a post.  I feel better for having made a healthy choice, which boosts my feeling of control and ultimately results in a better mood.

I feel like this post kind of rambled on, but I needed to cover a lot of ground in order to set up future posts in these categories.  What I plan to develop is a series of related posts that look more closely at why we allow ourselves to be diverted from our true path in life and why so many people compensate with destructive behaviors or negative “mid life crises”.

An increasingly pervasive attitude with today’s managers and business owners is that employees are nothing more than tools or pieces of equipment that exist to create and enhance the entity’s bottom line. If the equipment’s cost of maintenance begins to rise or if the fixed cost of the employee (ie from pay raises or increases in benefits due to time in grade) increases and it begins to degrade the bottom line, then it is time to replace it with a cheaper model.

Why Engineers Make Lousy Managers

Being an engineer and having worked for a wide variety of organizations over the past 27 years, I have come to believe that as a rule engineers make lousy managers. It is not because the engineers that get promoted to management are not smart people or they do not care about the health and welfare of the company, it is because usually the ones that get promoted are highly productive and have a very high utilization rate. As a result, they are more concerned about billability and production than they are about nurturing relationships. It takes time to build tight client relationships and usually much of that time is not billable or accounted for in project budgets. As a result, employees are told to stay off the phone, stay on task and bill, bill, bill.

Every Business is a Relationship Driven

During my orientation with a prominent water resources engineering firm for whom I managed an office, the senior VP who was my direct supervisor made a point of telling me to never forget that ours was a relationship business. The company had been built on strong client relationships that had stood for over 35 years. This group really GOT IT! It was a result of this philosophy that during my recruitment the top brass had seemed concerned over the number of jobs that I had on my resume. The majority of the decision makers had been with the firm for 25 plus years. They wanted someone who would be committed to building and maintaining long-term relationships. This company really understood that close client relationships meant they saved money on marketing. When an existing client called with a possible project, virtually all of the time spent with the client was billable from hour one. The only instance when the time was written off to marketing was when the project did not proceed further.

What Precipitated This Post

Today I just found out that one of my neighbors was laid off. But they were not laid off in what I would consider an honorable fashion. My neighbor was a regional manager for a company that operated in several states. The premise was he was going to be elevated to a more regional level and his company hired a lesser paid person to take over his territory. My neighbor even trained this guy! My friend was being asked to move his family to Washington so he could concentrate on the states of Oregon and Washington…areas that were weak for this company.

After submitting his weekly reports after an extended business trip to the Northwest, my neighbor’s boss asked if they could get together to discuss some things. The meeting happened on Monday in Gilroy, California (about 3 hours from Bakersfield). At the meeting, my friend was given a severance package and told he was laid off.

Management did not have the balls to give this loyal employee an inkling that something was up. They let him train his successor, put his home on the market (in a depressed real estate market, no less), and then summarily discharged him like a piece of equipment that had outlived its useful life in order to save a few bucks. The company was arrogant enough to think my neighbor’s contacts and his client relationships belonged to them. What they will find out is that once a trusting relationship has been created, it will survive almost any circumstance. The bottom line will temporarily improve, but over the long haul his old company will be the big loser.

Relationships are a company’s most valuable asset and the people who create them are indispensable.

Is it just me or does it seem like effective listening is becoming a lost art? Just plain listening to what someone says has gone by the wayside. While my family seldom eats in a restaurant, at least once a week we get take out from a local establishment. I have completely given up trying to call in an order and arrive just in time to pick it up. The reason is the operator or serving taking the order over the phone either cannot hear you over the kitchen or bar noise, or they just absolutely lack the mental capacity to listen and write at the same time. Just getting the name on the order correct has become a crapshoot. My name is Steve….not exactly an uncommon or difficult name! However, at a local steak house, two times in a row, I clearly said my name was Steve (I had to repeat it several times too) and yet both times my order was in the name of Dave!

In my darker moments I swear the whole world is “blonde” and I am speaking German. However, I think the real problem is that today’s society has become so fast paced that people do not take the time to listen. They are too busy trying to think of the next thing to say than to listen to what is being said. It’s not like people have become non-conversational, it seems to me that due to the bombardment of noisy information 24/7 from TV, Radio, ipods, etc. most folks cannot allow a moment of quiet contemplation in a conversation. It’s like if there is a moment of silence, then someone is not keeping up their end of the conversation.

I once took a history class in summer school that focused on the period in US history from World War II to the present time. The teacher used some interesting tactics to make the material interesting. The most memorable was he had developed a montage of television commercials beginning from the 50’s through the late 70’s (I took the class in 1976). In the 50’s the commercials were live, were a full one-minute in length, and were geared to providing meaningful information about the product being advertised. As time went on, the commercials got shorter, the pace of speech increased, and the information was being delivered at the staccato pace of a machine gun. By the end of the class that evening everyone in the room was visibly agitated, just from the pace of the ads we watched.

Today TV ads are approximately 20 seconds long and they cram anywhere from 4-6 into a commercial break. The ad content now consists of just sound bites. Advertisers understand that the purchasing decision makers of today (people in their 20’s to mid 30’s) don’t think in complete sentences. Next time you talk to your son or daughter (or your friends, if you are young and reading this) pay attention to how many sentences just trail off with the phrase “…uh and yeah, ya know”. Most young people do not finish a complete thought, because the greatest influence in their lives growing up, television, presents information in sound bites or incomplete sentences.

Gen X and Gen Y (and whatever my kid’s generation is called) have been raised in this frenetic environment. So it is no wonder my twins cannot have a conversation where one waits until the other is finished to share his thought. They continually talk over one another until someone shouts “shut the f**k up and let me finish”. My sons are 20 and it is their peer group that are taking our orders at restaurants and fast food outlets. I am a firm believer that this current generation is so unused to listening that they are functionally incapable to take a simple dinner order. Their mind wanders because of the lack of auditory stimulation.

If anyone who reads this think I’m nuts, I challenge you to go to a Starbuck’s and sit within earshot of a group of young people having coffee. What I think you will find is they can sit there for hours, talking over one another and NOT SAY A DAMN THING WORTH REMEMBERING! They will gripe about their boyfriends, their lives, whatever, (which youth of all generations have done when hanging out) but most of the time they just make noise so there is not a void in the chatter.

Maybe this is just the rant of a middle aged man whose has become as intolerant as I used to accuse my father of being, but I don’t think so. Let me know what you think.