www.simplephilosophy.com

My last post was in October and indicated that due to work pressures I would post only once a week. Well obviously that did not happen. Part of the abscence has been due to work conflicts; however, the actual reason for the lack of activity has been due to not being happy with the direction of my blog content. I began to feel the content was becoming contrived and somewhat preachy.

Therefore, sometime in the near future I will overhaul the simplephilosophy site to focus exclusively on how to effect a positive change in your lifestyle and your life. The posts will draw from my personal journey over the past 9 months losing over 50 pounds through a significant change in my own personal habits and lifestyle. I will also draw from books I am reading that deal with cultural boundaries to personal change, developing the slight edge that will move you forward in life, and other related resources. My belief is if I am excited and happy with the content of the site, then I will be able to offer information that will truly impact others in a positive way. My true desire has always been to offer quality content that others will find beneficial in being successful in all aspects of life.

Watch for the changes and see you soon! Remember prior actions determine future options! Make today’s actions count so you can live the life you want tomorrow.

Steve

Ever since I went to Denver two weeks ago, life has been on fast forward. When you leave the office (even for business) getting back on top is pure hell. While I was gone, time moved on, deadlines got closer, and work did not get done. Looking at my calendar when I returned to the office I had that “deer in the headlights” look. Schedules were converging and I was completely overwhelmed. How can you prioritize tasks that by themselves would each be considered urgent? The noise in my head was almost unbearable.

Quiet the Noise

The noise in our heads, the constant chatter of self talk, is created when the logical, rational side of our brain switches into overdrive. The brain, based on past experience, begins to project all of the possible negative outcomes from the choices we are faced. The panic I felt when I looked at my schedule was based in the fear that I was going to fail some of my clients, because there was not enough time to get all the work done. The key is the brain will generally always bring up the negative side of things, and not the positive, unless it is trained to do otherwise. Never once did I think about the clients I would please by getting their project done on time.

About this time I was book shopping in Barnes and Noble and I found this book (out of place) on a shelf facing me. It was called Quiet Your Mind by John Selby. I leafed through the table of contents, bought a cup of coffee and read the introduction. The book teaches you to quiet the constant chatter through focused meditation and be fully present in the moment.

Generally, my past view of meditation was it was a great way to fall asleep, and I never understood what it meant to live in the moment. What I have learned from this book is the mind effectively shuts down the logical side of the brain when it focuses on two or more sensory inputs. The concept is to begin by focusing on your breathing, noticing how the air feels as it enter and leaves the body, and then add an awareness of your heart beat or the rise and fall of your chest and belly as you breathe.

Letting Your True Thoughts Through

Selby contends (with research backing him up) that when you are able to focus on more than one sensory input it allows your true thoughts to flow from your heart and spiritual core. It allows both sides of the brain to work together and heightens your awareness of all that is happening in the moment. The result is a sense of peace and emotional, positive thoughts are allowed to rise to the surface.

With some skepticism I began practicing the breathing meditation. I discovered when I only focused on my breathing thoughts were still racing through my mind, competing with my attempts to calm my brain. After I began focusing on the movement of my stomach and chest in response to my breathing, I noticed that the racing thoughts disappeared. I entered a state of mind where time seemed to slow and I felt very rested and at peace. It was like my mind was in neutral and I began to become very aware of my heartbeat. My other senses began to heighten and I was aware of sounds and smells that I had not noticed before. As I allowed myself to come back to the present, I found I was much calmer and able to make decisions and prioritize my project list in a way that actually made sense.

Selby contends that once his techniques are practiced and mastered, a person can momentarily move into a meditative state, calm his mind and ultimately make better decisions, based on the information at hand and not be influenced by negative prior experiences.

What I have noticed is I will now drive around town without the radio on and just concentrate on being in the moment. By not surrounding myself with constant noise, I find that the thoughts that come to the surface are less negative and are usually solution oriented.

Quiet Your Mind is an interesting read and if you actually practice the exercises Selby suggests the results will be surprising.

“Prior Actions Determines Future Options”. I first heard these words at a Public Works conference in Monterey, California in March 1987. Motivational speaker Steven T. McGee of Unify International spoke the phrase as part of his keynote address. They were the most profound words that I had heard then and now. That phrase has gotten me through more down times than any other I know.

What makes that phrase so special?

The example that McGee used was of Peter Uberroth and the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games. Uberroth accomplished what no one else had ever done…he made a several million dollar profit with the Olympics. The money was ultimately distributed to local charities. Afterward he was mentioned as a potential presidential candidate, but instead he became commissioner of the American Pastime. The point is, as a result of his prior actions (successfully managing the Olympics) he had his pick of the best opportunities our country had to offer.

How did these simple words get me through tough times?

At the time I attended the conference, I had just taken a job that was a huge increase in responsibility, was a huge boost to my career, was the fulfillment of a dream, and was a huge decrease in pay. Couple that with inheriting a dysfunctional organization (that I was supposed to fix) and it is safe to say there were some really bad days.

I shared with my wife the words of Steve McGee and described the impact they had on me. She calligraphied the words onto a piece of tag board and mounted it onto black matte board. I hung the plaque on the wall above my phone, and whenever I looked at the words I was reminded that my future depended on how I handled that day.

Those words have stayed with me over the past 20 years …moving me forward and keeping alive the promise that life is a series of ordered building blocks and not a series of random actions. If a person engages in serious reflection and rids their mind of all preconceived notions, you will see, as I have, that prior actions do indeed determine future options.

The past 10 days have been very hectic. I took both Gregg and Glenn back to school (a week apart) and sandwiched in between was a business trip to Denver. In fact my last post was written on the plane on the 11th, but posted about 2 am on the 12th when I finally got to my hotel room. Needless to say, with getting the kids ready to move, trying to tie up loose ends and then busy days in meetings, the “Perfect Day Schedule” went right out the window. Along with it was the time to keep up with the blog.

What has been on my mind the past 10 days is what a huge role our environment plays in a person’s ability to navigate life and possess positive self-esteem.

My sons were raised in an upper middle class family with college-educated parents. They were taught the value of a dollar and that dreams are achievable if you believe and act on them. My travel partner to Denver, on the other hand, was born into a disadvantaged family with poor adult role models. My companion was gangbanging at a young age and spent most of his teen and early adult years in youth camps and jail. When his daughter was born he resolved to change his life, and for the most part he has. He learned a trade and is quite skilled at what he does. He is the foreman of our best joint caulking and concrete polishing crew (I am part owner of a construction company that stains and polishes concrete floors).

This Isn’t Denny’s
While he has learned a skill (he is gifted with a keen eye), traveling with the poor guy is like traveling with a 10-year old. First he shows up at the airport with no cash…. at all. Then it’s “Can I have $1.25 for a coke?”, “Will you buy me a beer?”. I kept waiting for him to ask if I would buy him a souvenir shirt at the airport! Initially I was quite short with him. I even remember asking him if he thought I was his father. But it all kind of clicked with me when we went to a fairly nice dinner restaurant with a brewery (every restaurant in downtown Denver is attached to a brewery) and he tried to order a Bud Light (isn’t Coors the local commercial brew?) that the guy just did not know any better. Then when the bill came, before I could tuck my credit card into the folio with the bill, he asked (sincerely) if we weren’t supposed to take it up front to pay. My first thought was “This isn’t a Denny’s!”.

You Have to Change What You Do to Get Something New

What a contrast to traveling with my kids…even my 16 year old daughter knows how to pay the bill in a nice restaurant. I discovered I was living in a sociology experiment. In my friend’s life money was meant to be spent on things (trucks, bling, etc) that makes a person look outwardly successful, while they do not have two nickels to rub together. He showed up without any money, because his ex-wife (yet he hasn’t filed papers and he keeps drifting back to her) had cleaned him out.

His life revolves around a lack of abundance and he is completely incapable of figuring out how to break the cycle of poverty he was born into. While he intellectually knows things have to change, he still runs around with his hat on backwards (he really got pissed when I told him it looked ghetto), the long (below the knee long) shorts and all the trappings of a gangster. If I met him on the street at night, I would move to the other side. I told him that if he was serious about changing his circumstances he needed to make a clean break. That means quit hanging around with his “friends” (the same ones that couldn’t find the airport), completely cut ties with his ex-wife (she will continue to drag him back into the life), minimizing contact with his family and quit calling everyone “Bro”. He needed to quit hanging out with the element he was trying move away from and concentrate on educating himself on how to save money, pay down debts and learn that “things” do not define the person.

Surroundings Do Influence Behavior

Time will tell if my friend will in fact begin to make the changes we discussed. But one thing is abundantly clear…your background and living environment do in fact frame a person’s personality and behavior. The last 10 days really brought this into focus for me and has caused me to be a little more understanding when I encounter those who do not seem to have a clue.

Have you ever noticed how one bad day has a way of spreading to adjacent days?  On September 4th I wrote about a bad day that I had had and spun it around to talk about how finding your center could help keep you from making an otherwise poor coping decision.  It was the old “if given lemons, then make lemonade” attitude…trying to find the positive in something bad. 

However, all that post did was to lift my spirits, but I did not address the real issue…which was I had allowed myself to become sidetracked from my main mission, which is working on consulting projects and making money.  The result was two days of wheel spinning and allowing others to dictate my path instead of the reverse.

Lost Time is Unrecoverable

Our time is the one asset that cannot be remade or recovered.  Once a moment passes it is gone forever!  However, many of us trudge through life thinking there is an unlimited number of tomorrows.  Unfortunately, we have a precise amount of time allotted to us in our lives, but only God knows what that is.  It is therefore imperative that we make the best use of the time allotted to us.  While we must live intentional lives, it is even more important to be a good steward of our time and talents.  The best way to do that is to plan.

A Failure to Plan is a Plan for Failure

It is a fact that the average person spends more time planning a vacation than planning for their successful future.  What cannot be allowed to happen is for one bad day, and we all have them, to spread (as it did for me) into multiple useless days.

One of the best tools I have found for preventing the spread of time destruction is to create a “Perfect Day Schedule”.  To do this print out a blank sheet from the Outlook Calendar in table form and create a time schedule for your perfect day.  The attitude is “What if I had perfect control of my time…what would my most productive day look like”.  Then plan your day making sure to leave room for lunch, working out, time with your kids and family, etc.  The key is to be not only efficient, but realistic.  If your Perfect Day Schedule has you running non-stop and does not leave time for the important things in your life, then it will be out of balance and non-sustainable.

Whenever I have operated my day within the parameters of my Perfect Day Schedule, I have been happier, more productive, more creative and felt more  in balance, because I knew how my day would unfold.  It is important to strictly adhere to the schedule for it to work.  You have to strongly protect any extraneous stuff from infringing on the time blocks you have set up.  For instance, if you have the hour of 10 am to 11 am set up to return phone calls, then do not make any calls outside of the hour, no matter how important you think it might be (family emergencies or life and death matters are obviously exceptions). 

It is important that you know when you are the most focused and productive, so you can block out that time as a quiet time for uninterrupted work.  For me it is in the morning between 8:30 am and 11 am.  I make sure that I do not schedule Dr. appointments, meetings or make phone calls during this time.  It is my time to really make hay and get a massive amount of billable work done.  Then between 11 am and noon I return calls.  I find that I tend to get fidgety and unfocused in the afternoon; therefore, that is when I schedule meetings (if any), run to the bank, etc.  I always put Dr. appointments at the end of the day.  Always ask for the last available appointment and if it cannot be after 4 pm, then  opt for a different day. 

This avoids the tendency to be busy, but unproductive.  Remember in a fee for work situation, if you can’t bill it, you can’t earn it and you eventually can’t eat it.  If you are salaried employee, this will still work, because as a more productive employee you will stand out.  Most people try to find was to dork off on the job, instead of working at their peak.  If you continually follow your Perfect Day Plan, your work will improve (both quality and quantity, because it will be well planned and not rushed), you will go home with satisfaction having gotten your goals for the day accomplished, and will get more raises and promotions than the others because bosses reward success.

Along with this I have become a great list maker.  I make a list of the things I need to get accomplished in that day.  I first focus on the quick hits that make the most impact.  It is amazing how crossing things off a list can create confidence and positive momentum.  It also improves performance, because it eliminates the “what do I do now” question.  Whenever, I do not have my day listed out, that is when I get off track and off task.

So….how did I totally lose it this week and essentially waste an entire week?  I did not follow my schedule and I did not make a list of tasks to accomplish each day.  I also allowed appointments to creep into my productive time.  I was generally human and I let it get to me.  Deep down I knew better and I was beating myself up over it.  What should I have done?  Started the 5th with a focused list of things I had to get done and a new attitude.  I also should have posted the last two days, because there is no excuse for not doing the things that give you joy.