My last post was in October and indicated that due to work pressures I would post only once a week. Well obviously that did not happen. Part of the abscence has been due to work conflicts; however, the actual reason for the lack of activity has been due to not being happy with the direction of my blog content. I began to feel the content was becoming contrived and somewhat preachy.

Therefore, sometime in the near future I will overhaul the simplephilosophy site to focus exclusively on how to effect a positive change in your lifestyle and your life. The posts will draw from my personal journey over the past 9 months losing over 50 pounds through a significant change in my own personal habits and lifestyle. I will also draw from books I am reading that deal with cultural boundaries to personal change, developing the slight edge that will move you forward in life, and other related resources. My belief is if I am excited and happy with the content of the site, then I will be able to offer information that will truly impact others in a positive way. My true desire has always been to offer quality content that others will find beneficial in being successful in all aspects of life.

Watch for the changes and see you soon! Remember prior actions determine future options! Make today’s actions count so you can live the life you want tomorrow.

Steve

Ever since I went to Denver two weeks ago, life has been on fast forward. When you leave the office (even for business) getting back on top is pure hell. While I was gone, time moved on, deadlines got closer, and work did not get done. Looking at my calendar when I returned to the office I had that “deer in the headlights” look. Schedules were converging and I was completely overwhelmed. How can you prioritize tasks that by themselves would each be considered urgent? The noise in my head was almost unbearable.

Quiet the Noise

The noise in our heads, the constant chatter of self talk, is created when the logical, rational side of our brain switches into overdrive. The brain, based on past experience, begins to project all of the possible negative outcomes from the choices we are faced. The panic I felt when I looked at my schedule was based in the fear that I was going to fail some of my clients, because there was not enough time to get all the work done. The key is the brain will generally always bring up the negative side of things, and not the positive, unless it is trained to do otherwise. Never once did I think about the clients I would please by getting their project done on time.

About this time I was book shopping in Barnes and Noble and I found this book (out of place) on a shelf facing me. It was called Quiet Your Mind by John Selby. I leafed through the table of contents, bought a cup of coffee and read the introduction. The book teaches you to quiet the constant chatter through focused meditation and be fully present in the moment.

Generally, my past view of meditation was it was a great way to fall asleep, and I never understood what it meant to live in the moment. What I have learned from this book is the mind effectively shuts down the logical side of the brain when it focuses on two or more sensory inputs. The concept is to begin by focusing on your breathing, noticing how the air feels as it enter and leaves the body, and then add an awareness of your heart beat or the rise and fall of your chest and belly as you breathe.

Letting Your True Thoughts Through

Selby contends (with research backing him up) that when you are able to focus on more than one sensory input it allows your true thoughts to flow from your heart and spiritual core. It allows both sides of the brain to work together and heightens your awareness of all that is happening in the moment. The result is a sense of peace and emotional, positive thoughts are allowed to rise to the surface.

With some skepticism I began practicing the breathing meditation. I discovered when I only focused on my breathing thoughts were still racing through my mind, competing with my attempts to calm my brain. After I began focusing on the movement of my stomach and chest in response to my breathing, I noticed that the racing thoughts disappeared. I entered a state of mind where time seemed to slow and I felt very rested and at peace. It was like my mind was in neutral and I began to become very aware of my heartbeat. My other senses began to heighten and I was aware of sounds and smells that I had not noticed before. As I allowed myself to come back to the present, I found I was much calmer and able to make decisions and prioritize my project list in a way that actually made sense.

Selby contends that once his techniques are practiced and mastered, a person can momentarily move into a meditative state, calm his mind and ultimately make better decisions, based on the information at hand and not be influenced by negative prior experiences.

What I have noticed is I will now drive around town without the radio on and just concentrate on being in the moment. By not surrounding myself with constant noise, I find that the thoughts that come to the surface are less negative and are usually solution oriented.

Quiet Your Mind is an interesting read and if you actually practice the exercises Selby suggests the results will be surprising.

“Prior Actions Determines Future Options”. I first heard these words at a Public Works conference in Monterey, California in March 1987. Motivational speaker Steven T. McGee of Unify International spoke the phrase as part of his keynote address. They were the most profound words that I had heard then and now. That phrase has gotten me through more down times than any other I know.

What makes that phrase so special?

The example that McGee used was of Peter Uberroth and the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games. Uberroth accomplished what no one else had ever done…he made a several million dollar profit with the Olympics. The money was ultimately distributed to local charities. Afterward he was mentioned as a potential presidential candidate, but instead he became commissioner of the American Pastime. The point is, as a result of his prior actions (successfully managing the Olympics) he had his pick of the best opportunities our country had to offer.

How did these simple words get me through tough times?

At the time I attended the conference, I had just taken a job that was a huge increase in responsibility, was a huge boost to my career, was the fulfillment of a dream, and was a huge decrease in pay. Couple that with inheriting a dysfunctional organization (that I was supposed to fix) and it is safe to say there were some really bad days.

I shared with my wife the words of Steve McGee and described the impact they had on me. She calligraphied the words onto a piece of tag board and mounted it onto black matte board. I hung the plaque on the wall above my phone, and whenever I looked at the words I was reminded that my future depended on how I handled that day.

Those words have stayed with me over the past 20 years …moving me forward and keeping alive the promise that life is a series of ordered building blocks and not a series of random actions. If a person engages in serious reflection and rids their mind of all preconceived notions, you will see, as I have, that prior actions do indeed determine future options.

I usually start my day watching Good Morning America, because I find it is the most concise way to stay up with current events.  This morning they interviewed Oprah Winfrey, as her 1^st show of her 22^nd season is being aired live from New York’s Madison Square Garden.  During the interview she talked about the school she started in South Africa for black underprivileged children.  She said she taught a leadership class using the Wizard of Oz as the teaching metaphor.  She quoted Glenda the Good Witch when she told Dorothy that her ability to get home was always within her. This struck a chord with me, because we have all been granted the ability to achieve our dreams and goals.  The trick is believing that it is truly possible. 

Society does a pretty good job of keeping us ensconced in the “employee mentality” that dreaming is for kids and reality is working a nine to five job because we have responsibilities.  The message is responsible people do not chase things that are risky, like dreams.  We have this message beat into us by the media, television shows, and those folks that want an orderly, obedient society (i.e. advertisers that hawk their products on television). 

The Secret

 Just look at all the fuss created by Rhonda Byrnes’ book The Secret.  Oprah had Byrnes and several key people on the book on her show last season, and the episode was lambasted as pop psychology and pie in the sky trickery.  The most common complaint I read is that the book does not take into account plain luck.   

Luck is not an Accident

 What these morons do not understand is that luck is made!  My favorite definition of luck is:  “Luck is when opportunity meets preparedness”.  I not sure who coined the phrase, but it is exactly right.  Edison was not lucky when he created the light bulb.  It was years of persistent effort, laboring in obscurity.  The same goes for Bill Gates at Microsoft or Steven Jobs with Apple.  They took their fanatical belief in an emerging technology and transformed hard work and belief into huge empires.  I had a friend in college who was friends with the founders of Apple.  He had the chance to become their fourth employee, but instead he followed his parent’s advice and got a safe college education.  That probably cost him millions of dollars.  What he could have done was gone to work for Apple and still pursued his education at a local college instead of going away to school. 

Always Look to your Dreams

 The message I want to leave today is to always believe in your dreams and set yourself up to be in a position to take advantage of opportunities that arise and align with your dream purpose.  Remember, our maker is not cruel…he would not allow us to have these dreams and goals without the innate tools to make them happen. 

The gifts are already in each of us…just believe, act and receive.

Just rolled in from taking my son Gregg back to school at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo. These trips always make me a little nostalgic, partly because I went to Cal Poly, but mostly because I realize how much I miss the carefree life of a college student. Now, most college students will argue with me about the carefree part, but compared to the grind of work and the constant pressure of unrealistic deadlines from clients, college life is pure and carefree.

What these trips also bring back are all of the idealistic plans I had about my life and what it would look like after nearly 30 years of work. While I am not particularly unhappy about how my life has worked out (nice house, great marriage, terrific kids), I was hoping to be 4 years from retirement by now (I am 51 years old).

After soaking up the ambiance of San Luis Obispo for the day, the ride home is a time of reflection and rededication to some of the old goals and dreamsI think it is important to periodically travel back to the site of our most formative years to remember … remember what it was like to be full of hope and dreams, remember why we chose the path we did and most importantly, remember what it is like to be young at heart.

Going back to my old college (or any college town for that matter) always reminds me that we do not have to grow old in our hearts and minds, and that we are never to old to risk being what our hearts desire. It may be outside our comfort zone, but then nothing fun ever happens when we get too comfortable.

It’s days like today that make it really hard to stay positive about anything.  You work like hell and get nothing accomplished, you find out a client that owes you approximately $10 G hasn’t billed it yet to his client, and for some inexplicable reason about dinner time you become sullen and depressed.

Five months ago, my answer to a day like today would have been to medicate myself with a pizza and a bunch of alcohol.  Today I poured a diet ice tea and cooked a healthy, home cooked meal for my family.  Neither solution really fixed anything; however, tomorrow I will know that I finally made a correct choice.

I’m not writing this to say “Yeah Me!”, I’m writing this to say it could be you.  Too many people in our society feel hollow inside and try to fill the void with food, alcohol, porn or some other potentially destructive behavior.  What causes the void, I believe, is the realization that the person looking into mirror is not living the life that they thought they would.

Masks

When we are young, maybe high school or college, we craft this image of what our adult lives are going to be like.  The type of person we will marry, the kind of cars we will own, and home we will live in.  The people that take ownership of these dreams and pursue them relentlessly will realize their dreams.  Approximately 98% of the population buy into the lie promulgated by well meaning people of influence (friends, parents, mentors) that dreaming is for children and does not represent life and reality.  In an attempt to move on with our supposed path in life, we begin wearing “masks” that hide our true selves.

Mid Life Crisis

Some time around a milestone birthday, you know, turning 40 or 50 we wind up looking in the mirror and realize we are living a life we never intended to live.  I know when I turned 50 I looked in the mirror and saw a morbidly obese person, stuck in a profession I am bored with, and realized I wasn’t following my passion.  The funny thing was I could not for the life of me think of what I could be passionate about. The only thing I knew was I had to lose weight.  So four months ago I joined a program through a local physical therapy practice to turn the parts of my life around that I could control.  This was my form of a mid life crisis.

A funny thing happened along the way…I thought all I would accomplish would be losing weight, getting healthier, and feeling better.  But what happened is I am beginning to get to know me.  A by-product of the weight loss and exercise program was coming to terms with why I allowed myself to go from an athletic 200 pound man to a 310 pound guy with high blood pressure, frequent appointments with the cardiologist and more meds than a septagenarian. 

I found out what I really like to do is help people.  It is a driving force behind why I allowed my sons (Gregg and Glenn Hawkins), already successful bloggers, to talk me into writing this blog.  You see over the past 15 years, in an effort to understand why I have been conflicted with my path in life, I have read and studied a lot of self help books.  Everything from Og Mandino to Dale Carnegie.  But what I struggled with was defining my dreams and goals for my life.  I tried every exercise imaginable, like “What if time and money were no object” or ” Write a list of 10 Things to Have and 10 Things to Do”, but nothing really excited me.  It was as if I was putting down answers I thought I wanted to hear instead of getting real about what I want.  Sometimes the toughest thing is to admit you have been doing it wrong for too long.

Getting Centered and Staying There

I titled this post Staying Centered, because I have found it to be the most important thing I can do right now to change the course of my life. What do I mean by staying centered?  Psychiatrists talk a lot about “finding your center”, which to me always sounded like a bunch of bullshit.  I thought it was a clever sounding cliche that meant nothing.  What finding your center is is finding the one thing that you are passionate enough about that it becomes the thing your life revolves around. The interesting thing is it won’t be a car or a house at the beach, it will be something much deeper, more meaningful and quite surprising.  It will create that “light bulb” moment when suddenly things seem to make sense.

I started to identify my “one thing” by writing in a journal.  It started out rather disorganized…I was somewhat self conscious about writing in a journal (although I kept it private and away from my family and friends), but as time went on it began to take shape and my entries were almost like a free association with myself.  Periodically, I would re-read my prior entries and a pattern began to develop.

What Does This Have To Do With Weight Loss?

Once I began to understand what was lacking in my life, I lost the need to fill the void with food, because the feeling of emptiness was going away.  Now when I feel lost or empty, I fill the void by writing in my journal or making a post.  I feel better for having made a healthy choice, which boosts my feeling of control and ultimately results in a better mood.

I feel like this post kind of rambled on, but I needed to cover a lot of ground in order to set up future posts in these categories.  What I plan to develop is a series of related posts that look more closely at why we allow ourselves to be diverted from our true path in life and why so many people compensate with destructive behaviors or negative “mid life crises”.